A Practical Guide to Conquering the World by K. J. Parker

On February 1, 2022June 14, 2023 By The Unseen LibraryIn Comedy/Satire, Fantasy, Five-Star Books11 Comments

Publisher: Orbit (Trade Paperback – 11 January 2022)

Series: The Siege – Book Three

Length: 352 pages

My Rating: 5 out of 5 stars

2022 is off to a very good start for me, especially as I have already read an amazing novel that quite frankly may end up being one of my favourite books of the year. This awesome read was the third and final book in K. J. Parker’s clever and compelling The Siege series, A Practical Guide to Conquering the World.

Over the last few years, I have been having an incredible time reading the incredible and deeply entertaining fantasy Siege series from K. J. Parker. Parker, a pseudonym for bestselling author Tom Holt, has come up with something very special with The Siege series that combines an interesting new fantasy world with some brilliant humour and intriguing insights into human nature and reactions. The first entries in The Siege series, Sixteen Ways to Defend a Walled City and How to Rule an Empire and Get Away with It, were both exceptional reads and they were among my absolute favourite books of 2019 and 2020 respectfully. As such I have been eagerly waiting for a long time, and while I was initially disappointed that A Practical Guide to Conquering the World was delayed until the start of 2022, it ended up being such a great read and worth the wait.

The Siege series is set in an alternate fantasy world that bears some interesting similarities to ancient Europe. The first book in the series, Sixteen Ways to Defend a Walled City, introduces the Robur Empire, a Roman-esque empire that is destroyed at the start of the novel by a coalition of enemies. The one exception to this destruction was the Robur capital, simply known as The City, which was able to survive thanks to the actions of a military engineer and conman who was able to come up with some very inventive defences. The second book, How to Rule an Empire and Get Away with It, was set a few years later and followed a new protagonist, an actor and playwright who is forced to impersonate the City’s figurehead after his death to keep the population’s morale and unity up to keep fighting the ongoing siege. However, this second protagonist eventually takes control of the city and manages to evacuate it, leading the people to a new life. The third and final book, A Practical Guide to Conquering the World, occurs during and beyond the events of both the first and second novel (if these books occurred the way they are portrayed) and features a new protagonist in a different land.

Aemilius Felix Boiannes the younger is a minor diplomat and translator assigned to the Robur embassy in the mighty Echmen Empire. Content to live a relatively blameless life away from the people that wronged him, Felix’s life is forever changed when news of the fall of Robur reaches the Echmen. Almost killed by the Echmen for no longer having a country, Felix’s life is only spared thanks to a debt owed by barbarian princess. Determined to no longer live by the whims of others, Felix embarks on an ambitious plan that will reshape all of history.

When the Echmen attempt to enslave the princess’s people, Felix saves her and leads her out of Echmen territory. Able to convince his new friend to unite the various barbarian tribes, Felix utilises his knowledge as a scholar to lead them to victory over the Echmen. However, his ambition is not limited to conquering the greatest empire in existence, Felix is determined to take over the entire world and he already has all the tools to do so. However, not even Felix is able to foresee all the consequences of his actions, and soon the entire world will be turned upside down. For good or for bad, the story of Felix, the most influential and dangerous man in history, is about to begin.

Well damn, now this was one hell of a read. Parker has come up with another exceptional read here with A Practical Guide to Conquering the World, combining a brilliant and clever story with incredible humour and an entertaining and compelling look into the human psyche. Filled with constant laughs, intriguing developments and a truly addictive narrative, this book got an easy five-star rating from me and is near impossible to put down once you start it.

I have had a lot of fun with the great stories that Parker comes up with for this cool trilogy, especially as they are exceedingly entertaining and very unpredictable, even if, due to their complexity and cleverness, they are a bit hard to explain in my inevitable glowing reviews. Like the rest of the series, A Practical Guide to Conquering the World is a standalone novel that can be read either by itself or as a continuation of the first two books in the series. This novel is told in the chronicle style and tells the autobiography of the protagonist, Felix, a translator and scholar who finds himself in all manner of trouble when his nation is destroyed while he is in a foreign land. Able to survive thanks to a recent good deed, Felix is soon dragged into the politics of the nation he is trapped in and attempts to stop the Chinese inspired Echmen empire from destroying and enslaving several neighbouring barbarian tribes. Forced to put his scholarly knowledge to the test, Felix devises multiple brilliant and unpredictable plans to not only manipulate everyone around him, but to also defeat a massive empire and bend all its power to his ultimate goal of world domination and beyond. This story goes in some extremely fun directions, and you honestly will not be able to put it down once you start as you become engrossed in seeing what elaborate idea Felix will come up with next. There are some fantastic ploys and captivating twists scattered throughout this novel, and it is fascinating to see this nobody slowly gain more and more power thanks to his wit and ability to understand people. I had an outstanding time getting through this story and it is extremely hilarious and very exciting.

A Practical Guide to Conquering the World is part of a larger series which switches protagonists with each entry, providing a new and unique tale of the aftermath of the siege of the City. This third novel starts around the same time as the first book, Sixteen Ways to Defend a Walled City, and covers several years, going past the events of the second book, How to Rule an Empire and Get Away With It. It is really interesting to see how this third book ties into everything, especially as the protagonist only has second-hand knowledge of the events of the prior two novels and, thanks to several clever inclusions in this book, as well as the unreliability of the narrators of the other entries, you’re not even certain those events actually occurred. While new readers don’t need to have any knowledge of the other Siege novels to enjoy A Practical Guide to Conquering the World, I had a lot of fun seeing the mentions and discussions about the events of these prior books, especially as the protagonist is very disbelieving about what he hears. The inclusion of a recurring character from the past book increases the connection to the rest of the series, although as she is also rather cagey, you have no idea how reliable her recollection of events is. I loved how compelling this loosely connected series turned out to be, and it was a lot of fun to see how the entire funny saga come together into one entertaining collection.

Just like with the first two books in the series, A Practical Guide to Conquering the World is set around a single protagonist, with the story reflecting their personal account of what they experienced. This new protagonist, Felix, is another entertaining and interesting central character, a former soldier who, after making some big mistakes and paying the cost for them, is banished to a diplomatic post in another country. This, and his ability for languages, ironically ensures that he survives the destruction of his homeland and places him in a unique position for his goals. I personally really enjoyed the cool story that Parker places around Felix and while there are some notable similarities between him and the other protagonists of the Siege books, mainly the fact that he is a conniving and selfish person with impressive insights into human nature and reaction, I think that there are enough differences to keep readers of the series happy. I loved the focus on his experience with languages and scholarly research, which he uses to great effect throughout the book, manipulating translations for his advantage and then coming up with obscure or historical solutions to the various problems he faces. Watching him turn this unique knowledge to his advantage, especially once he is inadvertently placed in the centre of world-shaping events, is really cool, and I loved seeing him succeed in his goals. Parker adds in a great attempted redemptive arc around Felix, which serves as a surprising driving force for much of what he does. However, readers do have to take Felix on face value, as, like the previous two protagonists of the Siege books, Felix is a bit of an unreliable narrator who may or may not be altering the story to make himself sound better to history. The final stinger of the book, which hints at the falseness of Felix’s account, is a clever and amusing touch from Parker, and you will come away wondering just how much you believe this character.

Easily the highlight of this book is the amazing humour that Parker has laced his impressive story with. Parker has an incredible and wicked ability with subtle comedy which permeates the entirety of A Practical Guide to Conquering the World thanks to the unique abilities that occur within. Much of this humour is derived from the eccentric protagonists’ impressive insights into the human mind, which allows him to manipulate events and people to his favour. Thanks to some great setup and some outrageous events, the readers get to see this protagonist subtly manipulate everyone, and his explanations for how he gets away with it and the subsequent reactions are extremely amusing. At the same time, Parker also satirises large parts of the human experience and culture, including the inefficiencies of bureaucracy, the inevitability of betrayal in the name of survival, the herd mentality of groups of people, the unpredictability of starting your own religion, and the inherent suspicion that everyone has inside them. All of this comes together quite brilliantly throughout the book, and you will honestly be chuckling straight from the beginning, especially as the first joke, about a massive bureaucracy nearly killing the wrong person due to a case of mistaken identity, is very cleverly put together.

Overall, K. J. Parker really did not disappoint with the third and final entry in his hilarious and impressive Siege trilogy. A Practical Guide to Conquering the World was just as fun and clever as the first two books, and I had a brilliant time reading this captivating fantasy novel. Containing a wildly inventive narrative set around a compelling protagonist, you will fall in love with this outstanding book, especially as Parker’s comedic inclusions will keep you laughing. A Practical Guide to Conquering the World is easily going to be one of the best books of 2022 and if you have not checked out The Siege series yet, do yourself a favour and dive into these hilarious and addictive books.

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Sixteen Ways to Defend a Walled City by K. J. Parker

On April 23, 2019June 14, 2023 By The Unseen LibraryIn Fantasy, Five-Star Books34 Comments

Publisher: Orbit (Trade Paperback Format – 9 April 2019)

Series: Standalone

Length: 350 pages

My Rating: 5 out of 5 stars

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Ok, now this was one hell of a book!!!

K. J. Parker’s Sixteen Ways to Defend a Walled City is an exceptional piece of fantasy fiction that keeps the reader enthralled with its excellent story, fantastic self-aware humour and one of the best depictions of a siege that I have ever had the pleasure of reading. The end result was an excellent read that I just had to give a full five stars to, and it has to be one of my favourite books of 2019 so far.

The Robur Empire is one of the great civilisations in the world, and at its heart lies the City, capital and seat of power of the Emperor, kept safe by its impenetrable walls, powerful armies and unsurpassed navies. However, that safety is unexpectantly compromised when a massive force of soldiers appears out of nowhere, slaughtering the entire imperial army, crippling the navy and completely surrounded the City.

The only forces left garrisoned in the City are the men of the Empire’s Engineering Corps, led by Colonel-in-Chief Orhan, who suddenly finds himself in charge of the defence of the City. Orhan is a coward, a glorified bridge builder, a man able to work the complex imperial military system for his own gain and a foreigner despised by most of Robur society, but he is not a great military leader. He is, however, one of the most devious and underhanded men the army has ever seen, and these might just be the qualities needed to save the City from destruction. As Orhan works to unite the various factions in the City to his cause and come up with a range of unique defences, he makes a shocking discovery. A figure from his past is leading the assault against the City, and Orhan quickly realises that he might be on the wrong side of this battle.

I really enjoyed this latest book from Parker, who has created a complex and captivating fantasy tale that proves exceedingly hard to put down. K. J. Parker is actually a pseudonym of author Tom Holt, who was able to keep the dual identity secret for 17 years before it was revealed in 2015. Between his two identities, the author has written an amazing number of books since his 1987 debut, mostly focused on the fantasy genre. This includes over 30 humorous fantasy novels as Tom Holt, five historical fiction novels, the Fencer, Scavenger and Engineer trilogies as Parker, a number of standalone fantasy books and a huge range of short fiction, some poems, songs and even some non-fiction work. For those who may be concerned, no reading of any of Parker’s prior work is required to enjoy Sixteen Ways to Defend a Walled City as this latest book is a standalone novel. Still, I will be keeping an eye out for any future books by either Tom Holt or K. J. Parker as I really enjoyed the author’s writing style and fantastic sense of humour.

Sixteen Ways to Defend a Walled City is an intriguing novel that is told from the perspective of its “hero” Orhan, who is narrating the story of his defence of this city within a historical text. This story is incredibly entertaining, as not only does it feature a first-rate siege within an excellent fantasy location, but it is told by a complex and multi-layered character who paints the entire ordeal of being in charge in a very funny light.

I am a man who loves a good siege storyline, but this has to be one of the best ones that I have ever had the pleasure of reading. At the start of the siege the situation looks grim, as a vast host surrounds the City, whose defenders have all been slaughtered outside the walls, with the exception of Orhan’s engineers, who lack the basic military supplies and machinery to defend the City. As the enemy start a conventional long-term siege with advanced weaponry and superior forces, Orhan is forced to come up with something to delay their inevitable defeat in the hopes of reinforcements turning up. Without the required men, equipment or leadership, they cannot rely on the traditional 15 methods of defending a walled city that the books suggest, so he has to rely on the on his own 16^th way, which involves bluffing, chaos and mad-cap innovation. As a result, much of the book features Orhan’s many unconventional methods to defend the City, whether it involves taking symbolic control of the entire empire, legitimising and attempting to control two rival criminal gangs or creating devastating new siege weapons. The protagonist and his men’s engineering prowess comes in effect quite a bit throughout the book, and I loved seeing the machines and other unique defence methods that he deploys as a result. All the various deceptions and tactics used to hold the City against this superior force is widely entertaining and I absolutely loved the siege storyline which serves as an amazing centre to this incredible story.

The setting that the author chooses for this book is pretty interesting and adds a lot of great elements to the story. The Robur Empire is pretty much the Roman Empire, with the City being this universe’s equivalent of Rome. I thought that the City was a fantastic setting for the vast majority of the story, and the various factions and problems with such a large city really tied into the great siege storyline. The City’s criminal organisations, the Greens and the Blues, former charioteer supporters (very Roman) turned rival criminal unions, are the cause of a large amount of strife, and I liked how their own battles and self-importance became such a major part of this book. I also felt that Parker did an amazing job portraying a city that sits at the heart of a massive empire, and the attitudes of the people within felt pretty accurate.

On top of the great setting, Parker has also created an intriguing, extended world for this story. The Robur Empire is a great overall setting for most of this book, as its setup, design and attitudes are very similar to the ancient Romans. Parker’s initially subtle use of racial identity in this empire is quite intriguing, and it becomes a major part of the book. Essentially the empire is made up of the pure-blooded Robur, who are called blueskins due to their darker skin colouration. Then there are those people with white skin, who are given the derogatory name of milkfaces, who are treated like second-class citizens within the empire, and who came from lands conquered by the Imperials. Not only does this become an important plot point with the army attacking the City made up completely of milkfaces, but it is reminiscent of the Roman Empire, when the pure-blooded Roman citizens looked down upon the paler barbarians from Gaul, Britain or Germany. I also liked how the author tried to replicate the precision military system of the Romans with the Robur, and it was fun to see how the problems of such a system came into play throughout this book, such as having the military resources of the entire empire being kept in supply depo sites rather than in the capital. I quite enjoyed these fantastic settings, and I thought that they were an excellent place to set these complex stories.

While the siege storylines and settings are extremely amazing, this book would be nothing without its main character and the person narrating this fictional historical text, Orhan. Orhan is an amazingly complex character, and the personality that Parker creates for his hero is outstanding. Orhan is a milkface who has risen to high military command within the Robur Empire due to his abilities as an engineer. As a result of his hard early life and the constant belittlement and discrimination by the blueskins he serves under, he is an incredibly cynical person with a very jaded outlook on life. The author does an amazing job transcribing these character traits onto the page, often in a sarcastic and very entertaining manner as he describes the events going on around him, and the reader gets a great sense of the character’s frustrations. While Orhan is attempting to defend the City, his own narrations reveal him to be an extremely self-serving and selfish person who has been forced by circumstances rather than duty to protect the City. His motivations become even more complex as he begins to wonder if he is on the wrong side of the conflict, as the invading army is completely made up of milkfaces like himself, and even when he is doing the right thing the blueskins in the city that he is defending still treat him badly. Even with that doubt, he is a surprisingly (especially to himself) effective commander, whose deceitful and inventive nature, as well as his extensive knowledge of history and engineering, allows him to come up with some outstanding defensive strategies. My favourite has to involve his unique method for dealing with the enemy’s sappers, which sees him use his knowledge of the City, his craft and his ability to manipulate his opponents to create a fantastic response. The entire sequence involving this anti-sapper technique is one of the best parts of the book, and I love the doubt and regret he experiences as a result of his actions. Overall, Orhan is an outstanding narrator, and his depiction of the chaotic event and his part in them really made this story for me.

Sixteen Ways to Defend a Walled City is an exceptional piece of fantasy fiction, and I think I already have a contender for my future top ten books of 2019 list. This book has to be read to fully appreciate its complexity and cleverness, and I found it to be boundlessly entertaining and widely funny. K. J. Parker’s latest book comes highly recommended, and it is well worth checking out.

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